Conan’s Corner

Welcome back dear readers – so, another month has passed here at APROP Protectora d’animals de Pego. Luckily it’s been warmer recently and no need for mass cushion sharing although, naturally, I am willing to let others share mine if they need a chat or just to have a quick snooze, bearing in mind I am such a humanitarian cat.

My mood this month has gone from grumpy introspection to despondency though. The very thought that Amba might be leaving me is just too much! I glared at her potential new humans a lot whilst they were visiting and sent huge rage-induced vibes in their direction which they couldn’t fail to notice. I was also willing her to bite or scratch one of them in order to put them off but of course she is too nice for that behaviour. You will have seen that pesky kitten season has started again – none of them have come here yet and I am hoping that they never do! All the noise and playing and squeaking drives me potty. You all know I prefer a quiet life.

Breakfast was early last Sunday – something to do with the clocks changing. Why do clocks change? Change into what? You humans have some strange habits. Anyway, it was early and I had only just woken up. Please continue with this clock business, it works very well to have early food! Also, annoyingly, more adult cats are being left in our shelter – we need to feed and look after them and we all know that means more stuff in tins from Aldi is required.

I am leaving Sam to monitor my friend requests now as it’s getting too much. Only last week I accepted a request from a nice looking man in San Francisco. When I queried with him whether he knew he was connecting with a cat (a very important cat, patriarch and all round decent humanitarian notwithstanding), he said he knew ways of improving my life. I responded saying if that means a lot of cat food and no kittens, then I’m in, where do I call you? Which seemed to silence him temporarily until he came back with a suggestion that I had to ask Sam what it meant. She said it was bad enough that I should block him as he clearly didn’t have my best interests at heart and that I shouldn’t ask any more questions.  So my advice column this month is really to check out your friends as some might have ulterior motives!

I am washing my fur more often so that I am in peak condition for 15 April when it’s all about me for a day. I did inquire about it being a whole week but, apparently, that wasn’t going to be allowed. I have no idea why, I thought it an excellent idea – surely we will have humans queuing up at the door all week, bearing treats and tins?  I look forward to seeing you all there!