Author: Sam Weller

Well finally my Facebook account is live – always excuses why it wasn’t actioned earlier, so I had to threaten a hunger strike to get things moving.  I managed to last 20 whole minutes.  Anyway, I have a lot of new friends as a result and I am getting a new blanket made especially for me with my name on it – and it’s being delivered personally by Miss Fiona (she is my best friend at the moment).

Most importantly, I have news about me (the only news that really matters). My sponsor, Miss Lesley, is coming over to visit me in November, all the way from Engerland. It’s quite exciting and am already wondering what type of grunt, snarl, sneeze or hiss I should bestow on her. Although her being in my presence should be gift enough. I did assume I would be the first to have a sponsor visit although I heard that Sofia has already met her sponsor. My life is just so unfair.

Welcome back dear readers. Conan here to round off the month in completely marvellous and fur-fabulous tabby and white style.

It’s STILL hot – why can’t they DO something about this? My paws are worn down writing to HR and I am still ignored. My life is just so unfair.

We have new staff members – honestly, even more people to train up, I can do without it. I did swipe twice at one of them to indicate that I wasn’t going to make friends just because they are new. It takes ages to train one up (I’ve given up on Sam – in fact I gave up on her early on, she’s only really suitable for taking dictation and even then, I wonder about her abilities).

Welcome back dear readers – isn’t it hot?  I’ve asked Human Resources if they can turn the heat down for a bit each day but it doesn’t seem to be possible – honestly, it’s just a simple request and personally I don’t feel it’s too much to ask.  I don’t even feel like eating much and hence I am becoming a tad more streamlined.  I am also staying well out of Gypsy’s way, that woman is seriously deranged!

Welcome back dear readers.   The sun is out, it’s really hot very early this year and I am shedding fur at an alarming rate!  Not that I let anybody brush me of course but it seems to fall off me naturally and gives the staff more work to do, sweeping it all up.   Can’t have them slacking.  Could I look any more magnificent?  I actually don’t think so.

Welcome back dear readers.   Unfortunately PKS has started now (Pesky Kitten Season).  I was hoping to avoid it this year but no such luck … sigh … I did assume Bomber Command sent out my memo saying no more kittens – maybe I need to check with her.

We also have vacancies for staff!  Who would like the absolute honour of looking after me, er I mean us?  It should be a pleasure to replenish my food bowl and make sure I have some toys!  Give Sam or Bomber Command a prod if you fancy making the short list as I intend choosing those who I deem suitable.  Another way to earn favour with me is to foster the pesky kittens so they don’t have to come near me – again, let the staff know if you like tiny fluffballs.  You don’t need much in the way of experience, just a spare room and some patience (I wish I had both.  But I don’t.  Sorry)

Welcome back dear readers.   I do NOT appreciate all this rain, it spoils my fur and I can’t do a thing with it.

So what’s been happening this month I hear you ask – well I will tell you – Tina and Casper got adopted which was good for them.  Felix also got adopted but had to come back as he was beating up his dog brothers which made them really scared of him.  I don’t know why as surely all dogs need keeping in their place?  But, regardless, he’s back and really needs a home where he’s the only pet, not just the only cat.  That way he can have world domination, just the way he likes it.

Welcome back dear readers.  Assume you all enjoyed my Valentine’s Day poem, it took a lot of thought (nearly interrupted valuable eating time).  Just call me the resident Catanova!  Haha, geddit?

Gypsy and I have been on a break; she was moved to her own pen for a while to give me some breathing space as I cannot cope with the mood swings.  Is this what marriage is like for you humans?  I have never been so glad to be a cat!

Welcome back dear readers – it’s all a bit chilly at HQ but luckily we have warm boxes and most of my er, I mean our, fur is currently looking magnificent in its fluffiness and fullness!

So, what has been happening in January I hear you ask?  Well I will tell you – I think Gypsy is going through some sort of menopause, talk about mood swings!  One day she wants to share my cushion and have a chat; the next she’s grumpy and trying to take chunks of fur out of me.  In my haste to get out of her way the other week, I jumped and landed a bit awkwardly.  As I have some, shall we say, natural ballast, it was quite a heavy landing and the staff saw me limping, a video was taken and my prognosis enquired about online.  It was suggested leaving me a couple of days to see if I improved – this was from Sam and heaven help us when she’s the main voice of reason.  Anyway, come Monday, I was feeling a lot better so there was no need to take me to the scary vet person (I would have fought to the death to avoid such a fate at the best of times).  I am currently giving Gypsy a wide berth until somebody orders her some HRT .

Welcome back dear readers and a Happy New Year to all my fans.  As I have made very clear, there are no new year resolutions from me – perfection cannot be improved upon so I don’t intend to waste the energy and I will be as fabulous as every other year.
As it’s the start of a new year, below is my interview with Bomber Command/Senora Presidente/Christine Thorpe.  Also, am attempting to have more gravitas more befitting to my Patriarchal status.  And, although it’s not New Year until tomorrow, I intend to sleep in.